Sold – the house my partner lived in through his early life and returned to many years later to take care of his elderly father. With his father’s death last year, his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren came together to celebrate his life and close the home in which he lived for over 70 years. It was a difficult journey for every member of the family and many tears were shed.
I, too, shed my tears. I went to junior high and high school with my partner, but only came back to my hometown for visits after high school graduation. My parents moved away within a few years, and I lost track of many of my classmates. I did not know my partner’s family nor the house he grew up in then. However, when COVID struck I was visiting there and stayed for over two years. I grew to appreciate and love his father and his father’s house. I learned some things about myself during those years in my hometown.
Fears and Change
Some fears are more real than others. Our fears come from what we allow to affect us. Some come from valid concerns – a hurricane or tornado – and some from influences—the media, those in power, and those that seek power, for example. The end of our life on earth is something that many fear yet there are those who accept it with peace. For some people, that peace comes from their religious beliefs or a spiritual awakening and for others it is an accepted part of the role we play. Others fight the end with every breathe.
Perhaps peace with the afterlife comes partly from self-realization and observation. If you are comfortable with who you are and what your role has been on this earth, then what is there to fear? Do the trees fear a storm, losing their leaves, or the winter cold? They accept, adapt, and that is how they thrive. They accept their role and the changes that go with it.
I must admit, sometimes I lament the changes in my life—the extra wrinkles, the sore muscles, the loss of memory, the slower pace. However, living with my partner and his father offered me the opportunity to learn firsthand how the choices we make about our final years affect those around us. It increased my understanding of the role of caregivers and appreciation of the love my partner gave his father. It helped me look at death in a different way.
Gratitude
I am grateful to my partner for the time I spent with him and his father in the house in which he grew up. I loved to sit on the porch, watch the breeze in the trees, hear the crickets and the birds singing, and sometimes see a squirrel, rabbit, or deer. If my partner chose to add the music of his guitar, it blended with those sounds perfectly. The connection with nature was blessed and a blessing.
I am grateful that I had the chance to experience my hometown again and see it in a much broader spectrum than I did as a teenager. I am grateful for my hometown friends—some old and some new. I appreciate the owner of the salon who let me come after regular hours so I could protect the elderly man I lived with from COVID. I appreciate the store owner who carried my book and co-sponsored my book signing. I appreciate the girlfriends that reached out to reconnect. I appreciate the friend who kept me supplied with books during the isolation of COVID. I appreciate the members of my partner’s band and their significant others who accepted me as part of their group. I am grateful for the connections at the local college who invited me to share my knowledge with their students and the community. I am grateful to the entire community for influencing my development as a teenager. Although not appreciated at the time, it is undeniable. Those roots are strong.
Moving On
My partner’s family home now has new owners, and my partner and I are starting a life together far away. We have begun a search for a home to share and fill with music, laughter, and lots of love. We want to host family holidays and relatives and friends from near and far. I can picture those times, remember such occasions growing up, and that brings me joy!
Thank you, Decorah, Iowa for the lessons I learned in my youth and for those I learned much later in life. Thank you to my special hometown friends! Thank you to the parents and family of my partner, who accepted me and made me feel welcome. Finally thank you, Jody, for your love and support. I am a better person because of all of you!
Happy Holidays, everyone!
Beverly J Bowers, CFP®
